i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Randomize
