nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
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