just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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