this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
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