I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
So apparently I’m into choking now
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