jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
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