oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize