I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Randomize
