i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Randomize
