um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
