fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
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