I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
