Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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