I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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