That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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