He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
