Apparently you make a good broom.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
