and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
