You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
