the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
