I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
she told me i tasted like america
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Randomize
