...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
I cockslap morals
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
