So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
