dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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