I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Randomize
