OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Randomize
