I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Randomize
