The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
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