Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Randomize
