so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Randomize
