didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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