guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
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