You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I can't turn off my feet"
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
You were trust falling into bushes
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
