Non-Jews are for practice
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
