please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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