My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Non-Jews are for practice
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
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