She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Randomize
