I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
