I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
