i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
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