I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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