I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
You should frame my arrest warrant.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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