I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
