Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Randomize
