Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
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