Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
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Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
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Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
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