i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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