She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
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