if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Randomize
