I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Randomize
