wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
never play flip cup with pint glasses
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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