This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Randomize
