i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
