While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's always time for handjobs
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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