I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Use "feeling words"
Yay
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
