Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
