I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
What did we do last night that was yellow?
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Randomize
