I wish I could teleport
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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