We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Randomize
