Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
