Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
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