i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Randomize
