just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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