We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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