While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
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