shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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